1. How old are you? Age and wisdom are to be honored and especially nice if you are in good health and vital.
2. You have a very nice smile. (ie. ‘You have all your teeth in front’ and none of them of stained black/red by chewing beetle nut.)
3. You’re a teacher – you are educated and influence others.
4. You’re a Teacher AND a volunteer. Obviously some ‘making of merit’ going on here.
5. You’re from America. Since their king was born in our country, we hold a special place in their hearts.
6. You ride a bike!
7. You love the food. You like to eat often and with your fingers. The spicier, the better. And Rice? Three cups at each meal (minimum).
8.You will eat insects and try new foods. Crickets? Grasshoppers? Beetles? Ant egg soup? Larvae? Bring it on!
9. Your food preferences include eel, fermented fish sauce, frogs, fish heads and snails. Eating these has strong masculine undertones of strength and virility.
10. You are fair skinned. In a nut-shell: white skin is beautiful and dark skin is not beautiful.
11. You can speak Thai. You can speak Essan – the local dialect.
12. You like to sing and listen to Kera-ok. The louder the better. All night long
13. You wear make up and put flowers, bows and rhinestones in your hair. All women and some ‘special men’ will increase their popularity with these actions
14. You can cook an authentic Thai dish and know the ingredients in Thai.
15. A family member visits you from America (parents, children, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, etc.) You’ll get extra points if they speak a little Thai, smile frequently and eat a lot of spicy food.
16. You like to dance to Molam music.
17. You like to laugh, joke around, have fun. More points if you enjoy Thai people who are enjoying themselves.
18. You don’t hurry and always have time to chat or smile.
19. You have been to the fields in your village planting and cutting rice, planting and harvesting onions, garlic and chili peppers.
20. You like to talk about the weather being too hot or too cold or windy or rainy.
21. You shower at least two times a day.
22. You can read or thread a needle without glasses (lasik surgery is unknown). Not wearing glasses when you could clearly afford to and still be able to do close up work suggests that I possess some special abilities.
23. You avoid being alone too much. When visitors come you all sleep together in the same room. Being together makes Thai people believe you are lovable.
24. You are almost always hungry and have the vocabulary to say how delicious something is (over and over and over again).
25. You like to shop and remember how much things cost so you can tell Thai people because they will always ask. What you paid is considered everybody’s business.
26. You have a girlfriend or boyfriend or husband or wife. OR, you are looking for a mate, and, of course, would LOVE to marry a Thai person and live in Thailand forever.
27. Whenever asked if you like Thailand and are happy here, you have a sentence or two in Thai which says: “Yes, I love Thailand. The people are kind and fun to be with. The food is excellent. The women are beautiful (men are handsome). I love to eat rice and spicy food. Why would I ever leave Thailand? It’s the best!!!!”
28. You are not outspoken or direct in communication. Questioning authority is a no no. You stand during the national anthem which is sung twice a day – everywhere – at 8 am and 6 pm and you can sing along with the Thais.